In my case, I imploded and often felt displaced anger. The deferment of my dreams was due to a series of choices I made as a young adult.
I choose love and started a family in my early twenties before I had an opportunity to really find myself. I figured that my future success would be defined by maintaining a great relationship with my mate and being the perfect mom to my son. In my mind, this made sense. In reality, I began to feel a void right away.
Growing up in Michigan, I always saw myself traveling the world. My first goal was to move to NYC. Which I did at 17, to attend college. Afterwards, the world was supposed to become my oyster.
Instead of taking the time to discover and cultivate my passion, I fell madly in love. So much so, that I placed everything else on the back burner and made that my focal point. I also choose a year later (at 22), to have a baby with the love of my life.
I was doing a noble act. Motherhood would be the start of a very rewarding chapter in my life. I planned to be great at it. I had a home birth and nursed him for a year. I didn’t return to work for almost two years to bond with my son.
By 25, I was severely depressed. My relationship was in shambles and now working full time while raising a toddler was an additional challenge. What was even scarier, was the feeling that I no longer had the power to change any of this.
The story of my life was now etched in stone. The opportunity to discover and define myself had passed. I felt robbed and hollow inside. My family felt like an inescapable burden. I could no longer breathe. I felt both completely stifled and stagnant.
As a result, I became an emotional eater. I would lash out in anger and often have an attitude. I really didn’t like or love myself at the time. This went on for about 3 years and then I had enough.
I had a sudden awakening and began to do a self inventory. I decided to empower myself by first tackling my health. I started eating more nutritious food and working out often. I also got a passport and took my first vacation abroad.
I felt empowered and in control of my destiny. When I accomplished my fitness and health goals; I set more.
In the process, I discovered my love of running. This opened up an entire new world and way of thinking. It became (and still is) such a liberating experience.
I feel completely free when I run. I am able to process my emotions and clear my thoughts without allowing these things to consume me. Running is my therapy. It is my outlet.
Since turning 30, I have experienced a rebirth. I am genuinely happy and optimistic about the future. I love what I see in the mirror and how much stronger I become with each run and every workout.
My journey has taught me to let go of my fears, bitterness and anger. Instead I feel humbled and blessed by my growth. I am excited to watch as my dreams manifest and my goals unfold. My life is amazing!!